ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz...

I mean...

THE OSCARS

I just wasted the last 3 hours and 10 minutes of my life watching the 77th Annual Academy Awards.

I took some notes, and I was going to sit here and type some things up... but honestly, it was so frigging boring its not even worth it. Here are a few things... but trust me, nothing happened.

EVEN HALF THE FRIGGING AUDIENCE WAS ASLEEP!!!!! Seriously, I caught 3 people snoozing in their seats - INCLUDING ONE OF THE NOMINEES WHO HAD TO BE NUDGED BY THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO HIM TO WAKE UP WHEN THE CAMERA WENT TO HIM!!!


Renee Zellweger looked hanus - that black hair with her blotchy skin, red lipstick, and a bright red dress she couldn't walk in. Not cute.


Drew Barrymoore looks like she's taking fashion advice from Kelly Osbourne or something, all in black, horrific messy black hair, bad black eye makeup with bright pink lipstick... She used to be SO FREAKING CUTE (think Mad Love) and now she is gross.

Kirsten Dunst looks kinda gothic too LOL... like bleach blonde hair with that dark eye make up and a black dress. NOT PRETTY.


Beyonce looked GREAT and sang well... better than I expected. Her outfits were fun, she looked stunning. I will say though, the last dress she wore for her duet with Josh Groban made her hips look W I D E. She can sing, but her voice isn't powerful at all... like, they should have had Christina Aguilera sing instead of Beyonce. Jay-Z must be psyched though, he was only invited because of B.

Puff Daddy... yeah, what was Puffy doing there? I think he's buds with Chris Rock or something. He got in somehow because this year they kept the riff raff out.


Penelope Cruz & Selma Hayek looked like twins. For a second I was like um.... which one is which??? Of course they are both stunning. But what the hell was up with that bow on Penelope's dress??

Hilary Swank comepletely insulted her husband Chad Lowe during her acceptance speech. She said she wanted to thank her husband because she thinks she's learned from "past mistakes"... God he must have a worse complex than Nick Lachey!

**** CORRECTION... OK, I know she won for Boys Don't Cry a few years ago, but I totally forgot about the whole thing where she didn't thank her husband in her acceptance speech... and basically, I thought since he's kind of a "has been" - or, more like a "never was" - in Hollywood I thought she meant she like learned from HIS MISTAKES LMAO. My bad, but either way - he's gotta have the Nick Lachey complex!! Thanks for the comments!!


Johnny Depp is a freak of nature. He is so weird. He dresses like an uptight Harry Potter or something. Any woman who finds him attractive in his getups must email me and explain what on earth you find attractive about this man.

Then at the end they brought out the post-pregnancy starlets...

Gwenyth Paltrow must have been fitted for her dress BEFORE she got pregnant. Her boobs were popping out at the top. Oh, and it was the same color as her skin too.

Julia Roberts looks good for having just given birth to twins, but she won't be acting in any "Pretty Woman" sequel any time soon. She's still got a bit of a belly and that mommy butt!

Dustin Hoffman appeared to be drunk - but hey, if I knew I had to present an award at the very end of this snoozefest I would have been drinking the boredom away myself... But yeah, I think he was wasted reading the nominees for best picture.

That's about it. It was pretty frigging boring. For a list of winners and whatnot, go elsewhere LOL...

Click here for Oscar.com

OK now I'm going to sleep - for real... I mean, just when I thought awards shows couldn't get any more boring than the Grammy's... I watched the Oscars.

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz....

All photos in this post courtesy AP via New York Post